real life experience

bdsm party

One of my many passing visitors invited me to go to a bdsm party, I had never been to one before, I was thrilled and excited. I didn’t know what to expect but I was sure it would be a remarkable experience. I was right.

Not only I wasn’t taken aback it was a whole new world I had never thought about, watching doms and subs interacting with each other was totally fascinating to me. Men and women just enjoying being themselves made me feel comfortable, not only that I felt proud of them, that they were able to do so without inhibitions. I also felt proud of myself as I was stepping outside of my comfort zone relatively easily which could only mean that it had expanded significantly.

There were two activities in particular that really quite affected me strongly, the first was a man using a flogger on a heavier woman, he was really hitting her very hard. I know that this is consensual and that she can stop this at any time she wants and yet I felt so angry. In my mind I was walking right over to him, grabbing the flogger and giving him a beating he would remember all his life. Of course I didn’t do it but every time I heard that terrible noise I had to keep reminding myself that the woman wants this.

I know why I felt so angry it reminded me of my own bad experiences and even though this wasn’t the same and I knew that I still felt like that and I couldn’t fully control it. In any case I felt a lot better when it stopped.

The second activity was using needles on a girls back, I could see the girl was calm and her face relaxed and of course she would have been experiencing pain but not in excessive amounts. I still felt sick watching the man carefully do it and wipe the blood. This certainly wasn’t for me.

The one activity that I really liked was the suspension, I could tell the difference between a good tier and one without knowledge of this skill, weight has to be distributed evenly and there shouldn’t be any pain. After I saw others do it I felt like trying it myself. It was really a new experience for me trusting someone I don’t know to tie me in a way that I lost control over my body.

This seemingly small act of trust was in fact the beginning of my journey. I had broken free of one of my biggest fears and I had done it without hesitation, voluntarily and with a smile of my face. I was calm and as he pulled my hair back I felt no hesitation or fear. This man surely had no idea how much he had in that instant changed my view of control and trust. I had shed my old self as he tied me I felt free.

Even though I had a good experience at the party I can’t say that I experienced any sexual pleasure from it for me it was more about learning and the little participation was more out of curiosity.

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