I still don’t know where the relationship with daddy is going and I’m having problems defining it in a way that I can accept it i.e. what label should I be using?
Initially I had asked for us to be friends but that was already breaking the mould of how I define friendships, besides this was at the beginning when I wasn’t so involved and he’d told me he wasn’t in love with me so I was trying to protect myself.
I couldn’t call him a lover because despite the seemingly romantic connotations I’m not really in love with my lovers but lovingly interested in them, I’m still quite fond of them though and with some I can see that if I allow myself I’d fall in love easily.
The term boyfriend is now so alien to me I have no idea what it means haha and truly I haven’t had one in at least 9 years, with my last relationship we called each other “partner” I guess a more grown up version of boyfriend.
Boyfriend used to be the guy who turns up at my mum’s door to take me out, a sort of spotty teenage type scared shitless of my father lol. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been in space for a while and come back after time travelling and everything is a now an unrecognizable version of what it was before.
Also perhaps there’s an element of fear of abandonment, if I’m single then I’m single I don’t have to worry about anyone ending a relationship with me because as far as I’m concerned it doesn’t change who I am. It was hard for me to get used to being single after being someone’s partner for 8 years you lose part of who you are with the end of the relationship and it was a traumatic experience I have no wish to repeat.
When you’re single you don’t have to explain to others about dating they just assume that you are doing it and dating as many people as you want – monogamy doesn’t come into it until the dating turns into a relationship, then in standard vanilla monogamy the dating is over.
I’m not keen on using bdsm labels for a relationship that I feel goes beyond the role perhaps this is just me still adjusting, even though I’m finding it easier now when people (but only sometimes and with people who I think are open minded or I don’t know) ask me when I’m single to reply “yes and no… I am daddy’s little girl”. So still a sort of vague answer but I feel that falling in love with this man makes me want to tell them about him. My face lights up when I talk about him and I can feel my cheeks all rosy and a big smile on my face. I also feel like I want to spend more time with him and sometimes I miss him dearly.