real life experience

being alone

The week seems to be taking forever, but at least it’s Thursday, tomorrow half day at work. Get all packed up and then it’s Saturday – that’s when I go to see Daddy!

It’s been such a rollercoaster of emotions to get here. Some days I feel truly alone. Not quite lonely but alone. It’s not a bad feeling really, on a good day it reminds me that I can achieve anything with little to no support. On a bad day I struggle with it, I fight the inertia within me and try to break through it.

It doesn’t mean I necessarily cry out for attention to Daddy even though I do that sometimes if I can’t contain it any longer and he’s ever so good to listen to me and give me advice on the phone. I feel bad for complaining, he says I don’t have to but I do.

I recognise that I have also a wider support system, my other relationship and my friends.

Feeling alone in a house full of people feels worse than feeling alone in an empty house, at least with an empty house I can have the silence as my trusted companion. I don’t need to engage in social interaction if I don’t want to. Work’s been stressful and some financial anxiety isn’t helping. It somehow pales the beauty around me. I seem to have lost my way a little but I’d like to get back on track. Hopefully my relaxing holiday will fix it.

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