I’ve been meaning to write about this topic for a little while now but every time I started it I somehow got distracted by other things or perhaps I was doing what I do best… procrastinating.
Well perhaps I’ve finally found the perfect time to finish it, I started writing it while sitting in bed wondering why I’m still awake especially given I had to be back at work the morning after and having woken up exceptionally early that morning. Well part of the reason is that Daddy was leaving probably at the end of that week.
I had been really good at keeping a clear view of the relationship and taking it one day at a time purposely in order not to have a massive come down the week after he left. Pyschologically I felt prepared after all this wasn’t the first time but I guess I had already started to feel the emotional effects in anticipation of him leaving. At least I could label it which is helpful to some extent.
If I wanted to I could torture myself with questions about the future but I choose instead to focus on the present. The now, because the now is good.
As we get to know each other better I’m able to answer more readily questions about how I’m feeling and also able to express better some of the insecurities I have. Most are nothing to do with the relationship and more to do with how I view myself.
It’s also worth noting that when the roles are reversed and Daddy’s insecurities make themselves known it is a little scary but I try my best to reassure him. When he needs space I recognise the need for what it is and trust him to tell me if there is something wrong.
It is hard though being far. If there’s silence it leaves space for insecurities like weeds to grow and trust has a lot more mowing to do to make up for that which you cannot see and that which you cannot hear.