I met a really nice woman at a meetup today, we were talking about permaculture and I was explaining a little about the projects and without thinking in the same sentence I also made reference to the other person I’m dating and as soon as I had done that I knew she was totally confused.
It’s starting to make me smile now, the confused look on people’s faces and so I paused and I said, sorry perhaps I should clarify that I’m talking about two different people that I’m dating as erm… I’m polyamorous…. might be worth nothing that even I haven’t got used to saying the word polyamorous yet as this is very new to me as well. I have no issue with explaining the nature of my relationships but the term itself carries with it a little fear that people will judge me or react negatively to it. I tell myself the more I say it, the more I will get used to it and if they have no problem with the definition then surely they won’t have a problem with the term itself.
She leaned back into her seat and exclaimed: “Poly what?!”, “Your life if so interesting, YOU are so interesting!. I’m so pleased to have met you.” I must have turned crimson because she then said that I needn’t be embarrassed or anything I really wasn’t embarrassed but I was certainly surprised and I’m not used to people being so enthusiastic about permaculture, polyamory or about me in general. She also had lots of questions for me, how do I deal with jealousy?, what about sexual health?, how do I have enough time?, how much in detail do I go into when I talk to them about the other relationship?
I tried to answer as best I can but clearly I’m no expert I only talk from my limited experience. For some reason I felt it important to also specify that being polyamorous doesn’t make me promiscuous. I think that perhaps this is something that has been troubling me but I’ll explore this in a separate post. As I thought about the meeting I tried to find a video on youtube that may be useful for me to explain what it means for me to others. I found this: Youtube video perhaps it paints a bit of a rosy picture and doesn’t tackle some of the potential issues that polyamory may or may not cause but it gives a good idea I think. Also something that I didn’t like was the use of the word primary partner but perhaps this plays on my insecurity of not being enough.