real life experience

polyamory – research part 2

If you’ve already read the first part of this post you’ll know that the following are thoughts further to watching a tv programme on youtube in an effort to educate myself on the difference kinds of relationships out there.

The Quad

a. the relationship

As the name implies this was a relationship between four people, two men and two women in this case within the group each man and is married to one of the women  respectively – to avoid confusion, Male 1 is married to Woman 1 and Man 2 is married to Woman 2. I’m only making it clear so that I can explain some different situations they were portraying.

They are all in a relationship but the couple individually have each other as a primary relationship. All major decisions to do with sex and dating (not sure if others as well) are taken in the group but if the primary husband or wife disagrees then they have veto.

The first couple, the man is dating others outside the group and everyone is ok with that, the woman is dating one monogamous person and the groups has reservations about the situation. The reservations escalated into an argument almost when she announced that she would be having unprotected sex with the boyfriend and safe sex with the husband.

The second couple the husband has absolute veto on who the woman dates including whether she has sex or not with the person she is dating.

b. the advantages

There seemed to be a lot of discussion about all sorts of topics and overall they seem like a happy extended family.

c. the issues & my thoughts

For the first couple the husband wasn’t too happy with the wife spending too much time with the monogamous boyfriend who in turn set down some rules including to have sex only with women, him and the husband. On the other hand the husband is annoyed with these rules and he enjoys watching the wife have fun at sex parties and apparently that is now off the table. They resolved the issue of the time by having a meeting in a coffee shop with the two men basically haggling over when each of them will spend time with the woman. The whole thing seemed to me a little impersonal, I think I wouldn’t have liked that if I were her. I want to make my own decisions as to who I see and when and not have men arguing over me like an object.

For the second couple, the husband only agreed that she could have sex with the guy she was dating if he could participate i.e. be there and involve himself. I mean the woman didn’t ask for a threesome but if was either that or nothing. At this point I was more perplexed than ever mainly because it seemed to me he took away from her the experience of having sex with her date by imposing his presence, but in any case the woman seemed excited at the prospect but wasn’t sure whether her date would agree.

Overall I think people in all these different relationships showed the same concerns and insecurities like everyone else. In some cases I didn’t see much acceptance or understanding, but what do I know, I’ve never been in such a relationship.

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