Prodding old forgotten wounds isn’t something anyone likes doing and not something others do deliberately at least daddy wouldn’t do that to me, not unless he wants to challenge me to see past it. Daddy managed to accidentally put his foot into one one last night. I was quite surprised at how upset it made me feel, more so because I wasn’t quite sure about how to tell daddy to stop, even when I told him I didn’t want to talk about the unhappy subject he was trying to gently coax me on, I just couldn’t go any further. Before I knew it I was past the point of no return and was finding it increasingly difficult to step back towards my usual happy self. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. I knew he wasn’t wagging his finger at me but that’s how I felt, nagged and a failure. Writing this even without the specifics is barely bearable, with a knot in my throat and tears perched perilously on the verge.
Perhaps this is one of the biggest pitfalls of written communication, I can’t see daddy’s body language, hear his tone of voice and he can’t see mine, all the non-verbal clues that would have prevented this weren’t there. I wanted to hear his voice but didn’t want to ask because he was tired. What a mess, one sad crying little and one exhausted daddy trying to make things better.