After confiding in a friend about the trials and tribulations of polyamorous, distance and boundary blurred relationships (yes, more than one) I was warned to be careful with my heart. To be careful of going headstrong into relationships only to find out the other person isn’t willing to meet you half way partly because they don’t need to – you’re making the journey there every time and partly because you are not quite as important as other items on their priority list.
The question is how can you hold back when all you want to do is let yourself be drawn in?
How can you love in half measures?
Should one keep score of their boyfriends/lovers/friends (or any other labels) efforts to meet you halfway?
The reality is that holding back is not an option and keeping score would certainly be the beginning of the end for any relationship. If you love with every pore then so be it. The real issue isn’t the effort you put in because of how you feel but the effort you put in because of your expectations from the recipient. Most importantly whether that expectation is being communicated and whether the other party can/would like to fulfill it.
Perhaps the solution isn’t to hold back and wait for the other person to notice something is wrong but to talk… about expectations, feelings even when a relationship becomes familiar, perhaps even more more so when it becomes familiar and we slowly descend into a false sense of security.