I have fleeting sexual fantasies, some are merely a passing thought and I don’t really dwell on them, perhaps I’m conditioned not to somehow, years of indoctrination that indulging into a sexual fantasy isn’t healthy and especially if you have a sexual fantasy with someone other than the person you’re in a relationship with it’s already a betrayal/cheating of sorts.
There have been moments since I’ve embraced polyamory and started dating more than one person when I was so happy with the relationships that I’m in that I lovingly wished/fantasized about us all lying in bed together having a cuddle, maybe more. The more part simply an afterthought to the idea really, I was more into the cuddle bit than the more bit just wondered if the more bit would happen as a result of the closenes. I had also thought about my metamour being there maybe with daddy’s metamour too. It would be a big cuddle party. It makes me smile even now. Not quite sure this qualifies as a sexual fantasy or perhaps more of indulging a little to a play party of sorts where I get loads of cuddles from the people I love and spend time with the people they love without the presumption that any sexual will happen but ok if it did.
However, it’s worth noting that I’ve never really verbalised it to anyone (not even daddy) or indeed given it much thought. Only because this isn’t something that would be easily arranged across countries, even though at the time J had his own fantasies that had some overlap to this and was willing to travel however didn’t have the financial means to do so and also considering that him and daddy never met before, no idea it they’d like each other as they were so different. But anyway to cut a long story short, there is a sea between the fantasy and the reality, you never know how people will feel at that moment etc. etc.
Since the end of my relationship with J I hadn’t had thought about that again until…. yesterday.
Daddy broached the subject as I was about to go to sleep of fantasies his and my metamour’s, the scenario somewhat unorthodox (slightly more complex than a standard threesome using roles I hadn’t considered before) but I wasn’t really too surprised. I like hearing about other people’s sexual fantasies, it makes me feel good somehow to feel that it is perfectly ok to share them without fear of judgement and also I like the idea of being in someone’s sexual fantasy and knowing about it. It’s a big turn on, maybe an ego thing not sure.
Apart from being flattered and turned on – all positive reactions, there’s also a fear that when it comes to it (reality) I won’t be able to do it for some reason or other. I don’t promise sex in advance, don’t like feeling pressured or pre-planned encounters, that’s a turn off for me. I want sex to feel good and that would mean acting on the impulse at the time without feeling that I have to. On the other hand I feel safe with daddy and my metamour is really nice and if reality is scary and I feel insecure or uncomfortable I feel confident to speak up without repercussions/judgement and no one is expecting me to perform or participate if I don’t want to – there is comfort beyond words in this sentence alone.