I had started this post a while ago and I think now it’s finally ready to go….I don’t think there is such a thing as a bad daddy in my case however, daddy sometimes thinks he’s a bad daddy mainly due to being busy or forgetful and leaving me hanging.
He forgot all about our telephone date which we had to postpone a few times with one failed attempt due to poor internet connection. We did eventually have it. As it’s over a poor internet connection it can be frustrating, with the delays and connection being cut off, I feel closer and yet far it’s like a storm of emotions. I also think his voice sounds so different over the phone but now I’m getting used to it.
Because of his privacy concerns and because he doesn’t like his picture taken I had very few pictures of him (3) to look at if I feel like I want to see him, as he doesn’t like video calls either. I have good days but sometimes I wonder how much longer I can go on like this.
You can perhaps understand at this point why I didn’t post this earlier, feelings like this are transient, it’s in effect an emotional rollercoaster if you hold on long enough what was down will go up again and I sort of forget the low bit until I start hurtling towards it again. Incidentally now I have a few more pictures that someone else has taken, I was very happy to see them, he’s just doing his usual stuff walking around, smiling and in one a classic one with his rolled cigarette in his mouth, he’s never looking at the camera, no surprise there either. He looks happy though, smiling and interacting with others.