I read an article recently claiming that romanticism had killed love mainly due to setting up unreasonable expectations of how parties should or shouldn’t behave when in a relationship. In fact when you try to fit into the Disney prince/ss type relationship it would be exceptional rather than the norm with disappointment lurking after every corner, imperfect response, mundane conversations.
What does being romantic mean?
Accordingly to wikihow there are 3 methods; be thoughtful, creative & keep things fresh. I guess not bad (if it’s on the internet it must be right haha) it does go into detail with ideas on how to apply these, not a bad start if one is clueless and looking for guidance even though anything that is done with a shallow intention won’t go far, nothing worse than deceit and likely to permanently put you off a person who tries that.
The intention for me is more significant than the gesture, I don’t care for expensive gifts or anything material but I love the little things and gestures that tell me how much I’m in your thoughts. With the big gestures I’m not always sure what I have done to deserve such treatment (unhealthy reaction of what? why? I’m not worthy. *facepalm*) and sadly when received from people I am not close to I’m unsure as to how I should be reacting and whether they simply want to get in my pants (another *facepalm* moment right there).
Would this be any different in a polyamorous (in my case v type configuration) scenario when all persons involved have very distinct personalities. Would treating each person differently cause an issue?
It’s a question that got me thinking a bit, I like to be treated differently – this doesn’t mean I have preference over others but it means I am treated in a way that acknowledges who I am, my personality and my individual likes/dislikes. The feeling that I am cherish as myself is very important to me. So in a nutshell for me it wouldn’t be an issue because I like it, doesn’t have to be like that all the time either I like to mix it up, variety is the spice of life.
Perhaps this would be more of a problem if I felt that I was being ignored, unloved and perhaps no longer cherished, what a sad thought. If I saw that one relationship bloomed whilst the other perished I think it would be hard to keep an independent view of each relationship without comparison. You’d also have to deal with the emotional aftermath of comparing, what, why , and how you feel and decide on what to do with that emotional fall out.
Aside from this aspect in theory you should feel free to express your love in gestures that you feel appropriate and dealing with the consequences if you foresee any by preparing for them and if you didn’t forsee them then as they come along by talking to everyone involved.
Polyamory seems at face value to require a lot more communication than a monogamous relationship but only at face value, in reality the same would apply to other relationships that you have that are non sexual such as friendships or family members really.
Having said that there is nothing more disheartening to me as a little than feeling that my gestures are not acknowledged and even the tiniest of acknowledgements fills my heart. At the same time I don’t expect daddy to read my mind or see things from my perspective I don’t feel that it would be a fair expectation especially since he can’t see I’m making my big lip sad face. I have to verbalise it, which can be quite hard.