“As a jealous man, I suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my jealousy will wound the other, because I allow myself to be subject to a banality: I suffer from being excluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and from being common.”
― Roland Barthes,
As I dance around the possibility of moving in the same house as Daddy we talk about what it would be like, which room would be best for me to have, maybe the one interconnecting but would that be a good idea? What about the noise? You know, the sex noise… *blush*
The thought of Daddy being next door and hearing me moan for someone else – secretly is a turn on. Being desired by more than one person in the same building is equally exciting – my silly girl ego grinning. What happens when the tables are turned?
Good question. I don’t know. Would I be jealous?
On a good day when I feel loved, important and safe in our relationship then I’d say I’d be fine. I’d make the time mine by doing what I do best, eat chocolate, watch my favourite movies, draw, write, socialise with others and maybe have an early night. But what about the sex noise?….mmm might be annoying especially if I’m trying to sleep, if I’m not feeling well or if it makes me horny and then frustrated. Well then maybe headphones.
What happens on a bad day, when I feeling insecure, threatened, unloved and neglected? I don’t know. The prospect feels dire.
I wonder if Daddy would set me up with some nice guy/s to cuddle me? Oh I think I’d like that. But is this some sort of weird double standard I should be ashamed of? Because jealousy feels like as described in the quote. The little in me makes a big bottom lip and looks despondently away rather than facing up to fear and insecurity.
Reassuringly Daddy says he wouldn’t mind hearing me have sex next door, when I asked why he tells me he’d be pleased to know I’m having fun. Puts me to shame really and I bite my bottom lip. He also says we could have a noise cancellation device so I can’t hear what goes on in the next room if I don’t want to.
I’m not sure it can cancel out any random, illogical but painful bouts of jealousy that I may have though. He tells me he misses me and all my doubts melt. Maybe together we can do this. We can deal with the problems when we have them and continue having a loving supporting relationship. Daddy says he will help me if I need support I will have it. My eyes are all twinkly.