real life experience

answering questions on polyamory

As talking about the people I’m in love with is something that comes naturally to me it’s equally naturally for people to be curious about them and the relationship dynamics and with that come questions about polyamory. Most people are curious and non-judgmental and think before they speak, then you meet some that peck at you from their high pedestal.

Here’s some common ones that rub me the wrong way:

so how come you cannot develop any deep emotional connections?

what?! Have you not been listening to what I’ve been saying – I’m deeply and hopelessly in love. Some days I’m so in love I feel like it’s shining out of me like a beacon haha

but surely you can’t be in love with more than one person at once?

says who? just because you’ve never eaten ice-cream it doesn’t mean I have never had some

and what happens when one of you wants to go monogamous? you dump everyone else?

I mean isn’t the answer obvious… you have to talk about it until you decide what to do next and seriously “dumping everyone else” sounds horrendous – which part of I’m in love with them didn’t you get?

he has more relationships than you… don’t you think that’s odd?

this is not a competition ffs it would be odd if I did try to compete not to mention unethical towards the people I use for point scoring!

what happens if your boyfriend wants to sleep with the other boyfriend’s girlfriend/s?

is this question supposed to shock me? – he can sleep with whoever he likes I’m not his keeper, he’s a grown man acting within our agreed relationship dynamics

so when is the annual orgy?

doesn’t matter mate – you’re not getting an invite ;)… is this guy for real?!

Of course I’m much more diplomatic in my actual replies and I try really hard to convey the true picture of the relationship/s dynamics etc. both the nice and the challenging bits but very rarely you meet someone who is out to prove himself right instead of listening to what you have to say. It doesn’t matter how lovingly you talk about your partners he’ll say…

if you really loved them so much you wouldn’t want them sleeping with other people…

conversation over – I quit wasting my time with you buddy

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