I’ve been here about a week now, it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet that I’m here to stay and this is my new home base.
The project here is a constant stream of passing people and changing scenarios, there is very little routine. I’ve been sleeping in Daddy’s bed every night, that wasn’t quite what I had planned but at least my room feels like my little hide out already, which means it is well equipped for me when I need it as a refuge. It has my comfort blanket, my little handmade decorations on the wall, a desk and chair at the sun lit window and a comfy bed I had already napped in so I know it’s good enough for a long sleep.
I’ve also been preparing myself for L’s unavoidable and impeding visit, she wasn’t feeling too well last weekend. L(1)’s one of my metamours, I took the fleeting opportunity to talk to her a little on messenger a couple of days ago, she might come today. At least I have some notice. I feel tested a little. In reality no one is testing me. Daddy and me had already talked about it. There’s no way of knowing how this is going to go until it happens, however, here’s some basic facts.
We’ve already all been in the same room before and the world hadn’t instantly burst into flames. Since then we had worked on the festival planning team together and there’s no bad feeling between us. I asked Daddy if he was worried about us not getting along and he said no.
I feel a little anxious, hence why I’m dithering and rambling on about my hideout which I should rename into something less negative mmm maybe something like my pleasure and feel good space or something like that. My defense shields feel at the ready and maybe that in itself is making more or edge than I need to be. After all I would like to feel relaxed about it and getting ready for some sort of emotional crisis isn’t helping. Daddy has been so loving and affectionate I have no reason for insecurity.
Furthermore, I feel like I’d been delaying sleeping in my room even when I needed the space so perhaps tonight I’ll take the plunge and do it regardless of whether L decides to sleep here or not because I need space.
I also need to become better at speaking out my alone time needs and sticking by my decision if alone time is on my schedule. I can see already that I become irritable and unpleasant when I’m stretched beyond my limits.