Time is rolling by fast and I have been busy living which apparently means that I have less time for myself but still I sit on the garden bench now trying to soak up some weak autumn sun.
It has been a rollercoaster. It turns out that being poly, cohabitation and having anxiety issues don’t really go well together, at least for me. I struggle to keep the anxiety down while his other interests or potential interests are around. I don’t know how to make this better.
On the one hand I strive towards what I think would be ideal and on the other I am frightened to the point of paralysis. However, I think there has been some improvement. A friend noticed I now include humor in the narrative and a recognition of my own status in any given situation. And so when there is a scenario when I feel threatened I use the paralysis mode to remind myself of it.
Any metamour be it old or new is faced with the inevitability of me. This may seem obvious but it turns out I had been focusing on the feeling of being pushed aside instead of just being. The same goes for daddy, anyone that has an interest in me must accept that he is an important relationship that I want to maintain. So I talked about this to daddy to see if this was something that he had considered. He said that perhaps he hadn’t been very good at showing or telling other people about the importance he gives the relationship. At the same time he wants me to also accept that this is a two way street and I must also be ready to accept them.